FORENSIC FORCE: A civil servant and a dog

You meet two civil servants. One tells you his salary for the month is yet to be paid, his rent is up, and his children's school fees due. The other tells you that the property he bought for N40 million two years has just been valued at N100 million. They work in the same office.

Our bureaucracy has produced some of the most brilliant minds in Nigeria, and also some of the most inept. Upon joining the service, the civil servant is full of fresh ideas and is on a mission to change the world. He is full of good plans for Nigeria and anxious to begin.

But as soon as he concludes documentation, a different reality confronts him. He comes to work at the official opening time of 8 am, but has to wait for the cleaners who come in at 9. They both have to wait for the officer with the keys. Time check: 10a.m: two hours to get the office cleaned; two hours to gossip before lunch; two hours for lunch, and another two hours of ‘not on seat' before closing at 4 pm.

Typical day.

He has no desk, no job schedule and nothing to do. Nobody cares whether he comes to the office or not. His pay is less than half a million for the entire year (compared to the N4m of a classmate who is banker and N7m of another in telecoms). Though nearly 30, he cannot afford to rent even a single room and has to live with friends.

He has no idea when he will be able to get married, or afford a jalopy.

He is sharp, intelligent and hardworking, and would have done a fine job anywhere, but this is the only job he has. His first promotion, despite no failing on his part, comes after 6 to 10 years. With no contacts, he has little chance of getting another job and has no options but to remain, hoping for when he finds the right ‘spoon'.

Soon, he is approaching 40. He still entertains vague hopes of leaving, but those hopes are dimming. He might have found a small spoon because he is now married, and lives in a rented or personal house. He has come to terms with the system and has no more illusions about changing the world. After a decade or more, he has only just got his second promotion. He is not happy, but only occasionally does his conscience prick him. Like concrete, bureaucracy gets tougher with age.

Before long, he is nearing 50 and also approaching management level. All thoughts of leaving are now over. His children are in secondary schools and universities. Conscience has been subsumed by survival. He still earns much less than his contemporaries in the private sector and as always, is lagging behind by many years in promotion. But he has landed property and reasonable assets. He is fundamentally insecure as the middle ages advance, but admits that things could be worse.

51 -60 years soon come. After years of slow promotions, he finally has the contacts to pull a string or two, and is a director, or even permanent secretary. He knows he can afford to make no mistake as what he does now will determine the rest of his life. He has a home abroad, a chieftaincy title and huge responsibilities.

Then he retires. Those who wielded big spoons and scooped liberally retire to a life of luxury. Some make it to government houses or the Senate. Others go into business. Others still, are crowned or turbaned. They own banks, hotels and other major businesses and are consulted by government, being part of the ruling elite.

For those who never got to wield big spoons, this is the worst phase. Used to a monthly salary cycle, the first few months without one is a death sentence. His children are not well-trained because he could not educate them. They are of no help; no one will help him because when he was in office he didn't help himself.

Every month that passes takes him closer to his grave. His eyes are gone and his health failing.

His pension and retirement benefits will not be paid until a week after his death. And when he dies, old, tired,

lonely and miserable, he is buried and quickly forgotten.

One is a typical Nigerian bureaucrat; dubious, slippery and inordinately corrupt. The other, debased by the system, ends up with a dog's life.