H.O.P.E Alliance

I am gravely afraid. Will we forget so quickly how we felt for much of last year as we watched a "skinny kid with a funny name" make his audacious way, from complete outsider first to underdog and then frontrunner, and finally to the control room of what is arguably the most powerful and sophisticated political system in the world?

But, as the cliché goes, the only lesson history teaches is that we never learn anything from history. And there lies my fear - that we will forget; that the words "Change" and "Hope" will quickly lose their magic and shine, and become as banal as "Betcha!" and "Maverick".

Which is why it was heartwarming to read in the current issue of The Economist (Jan 3, 2009) that an Obama-renaming epidemic ("Obamaville") has hit the United States of O-Merica. Avenues, boulevards, holidays even. It is a season of All-You-Can-(re)Name.

I'm all for it. Because I think we need to remember. Yes we do!

In the light of this, I have developed a detailed strategy for immortalising Obama and all that he stands for, here in Nigeria. But instead of treading the well-worn path that many would argue is native to Nigeria (that of renaming boreholes, buses and bus-stops after politicians), my own vision is to create a political party, to accommodate all who believe in the ideals of Barack Hussein Obama.

According to the principle of first things first, what I should do is announce the name of the new party and then unveil a logo. But we'll do those things last. More pressing is an outline (even if rough) of what the party will be about. Or, even more importantly, what it will not be about:

Food/Eating Metaphors:
Hasn't it occurred to you how firmly ingrained food metaphors are in our current politics? Come-and-Eat, Amala Politics, National Cake... Even "chieftain" (as in "party chieftain") now sounds like an ingenious cross between "chef" and "plantain". In my party, we will ban all phrases and metaphors that attempt to link political position with prandial pleasure.

Hero/Zero Worship:
This is the "seconding" nail in the coffin of the phrase "party chieftain." It will also cover the words "godfather" (which, by the way is irritatingly sexist), "party elder", "kingmaker" (out of place in a country that is not a Monarchy) and "party stalwart".

Militaristic Campaigns:
This will take care of terms like "do-or-die". We will replace this with "do-AND-die", which means that immediately you finish your one - or two - terms in office we expect you to disappear into the pages of history. No parking, no stopping, no waiting. No hanging around to become a "kingmaker" or "chieftain" or "elder" (not least because those words would have become obsolete). No "soft landing" anywhere. No "compensation". Do finish - and die.

A few things we will not take for granted in my party:

Hobbies:
One of the biggest problems plaguing Nigerian politics is the utter hobbylessness of our politicians. Politics-without-hobbies is the undeniable precursor of "do-or-die", "till-death-do-us-part" politics. Barack Obama has basketball, and blackberrying. George Bush (hey, stop murmuring!) likes to get online and use "The Google".

Sarah Palin has got her hunting gun, and (rumours have it that she) likes to playfully aim at The Kremlin; and Bill Clinton, uhm, also has, uhm, his hobbies. Move over to Nigeria though, and our politicians have no existence outside of campaigning and awarding contracts and receiving honorary degrees and complaining of threats to their lives - all of which are directly proportional to political involvement.

PS. Speed-shopping (24 malls in 4 countries in 24 hours, using 4 weeks' worth of Federal Allocation) is not a hobby.

Debates and Speeches:
We will institute a robust debate culture, and elevate speechmaking into one of the cardinal ideals of our party. We will pit ambition against ambition in the gladiatorial ring of oratory. However, we will not permit politicians or their First Ladies (or First Dudes) to read speeches at Children's Days parties (it currently happens, believe me!)

Asset Declaration:
We all know how many homes Barack Obama has. And how much he made last year. And most importantly, that he has two daughters. And one wife. "How many children does the President have?" is a question that will conveniently fit into the American version of Who wants to be a millionaire but alas not the Nigerian one. Currently you will need the gossip columns to make an ‘informed' guess.

Back to where we started. A name for my party. "Barack Obama Revolutionary Party" eagerly suggests itself. BORP. Not an appealing acronym for a party; it sounds too much like "burp". "Audacious Congress" (AC). Might easily be mistaken for another party. How about this: "Hussein Obama People's Alliance". HOPE Alliance. Can't get any better, can it?