And the airline of the year ...

LAGOS

Total: 181

ABUJA

Total: 92

In case you're wondering what the tables above represent, wonder not far. They are the latest statistics released by the National Drug Law Enforcement Agency (NDLEA), on its 2008 ‘captures'.

The upper table refers to drug trafficking suspects arrested at the Murtala Mohammed International Airport (MMIA), Lagos, while the lower one refers to those caught at the Nnamdi Azikiwe International Airport (NAIA), Abuja.

NB: Any doubts or questions regarding which city is truly the Commercial Capital of Nigeria should hereby be rested in peace for all time.

I came across the statistics in the Daily Independent newspaper of Monday, March 02, 2009 (Page C1). The headline of the piece reads: "DRUG TRAFFICKERS PREFER KLM, ALITALIA, SAYS NDLEA."

An excerpt: "Royal Dutch Airline KLM and Alitalia Airlines have been identified as the most preferred airlines by illicit drug traffickers in the country in Nigeria. The Chairman/Chief Executive of the National Drug Law Enforcement Agency (NDLEA) Ahmadu Giade made the disclosure while presenting the Agency's performance scorecard in 2008."

Later on we are told that Giade "regretted that Africa, particularly the West African sub-region has become the hub of Latin American drug syndicates for smuggling cocaine into Europe and America."

Talking of the Latin America-West Africa connection, on a lighter, somewhat digressive note, a few months ago while I lived (temporarily) in Sweden, I got an email from a friend recounting her visit to Stockholm years ago: "[Stockholm] is a nice city.

I had a very good Columbian friend who used to live there. I visited her twice... The first time that I visited, I was delayed at the immigration point because the officer seemed to smell a rat in a NIGERIAN visiting a COLOMBIAN in Sweden." (Emphases mine)

Pushing drugs must be the second oldest profession in the world, next to prostitution. And of course the most lucrative. If you were to take a trip into the winding corridors of my mind and call out "Cocaine Movies!", ‘Scarface' is the movie that would scream "Present Sir!"

I no longer recall many things from the movie but I do remember the images of cocaine-suffused nostrils. And of course the crazed gun fights that they fuelled. And the blood.

I also can't recall if I was one of those kids who proceeded, post-‘Scarface' viewing, to squander mummy's ‘Saturday Night' powder (or baby bro's Medicated Dusting Powder) in an attempt to imitate (or is it recreate?) Al Pacino.

There is a mysterious - and inexorable - link between white powder, blazing guns and chunky wads of dollar bills (if you've ever seen images, on CNN or elsewhere, of the recent drug-turf massacres in Mexico, you will understand what I mean), and the truth is that it is as children that most of us came to learn of this connection (thank you Hollywood).

But we're not here to talk about Mexico, or Scarface. We're here to talk of the local industry. Take a look at the tables above again. More questions than answers eh?

1. Is KLM truly the "preferred airline" for travelling Nigerian drug traffickers? Take a look at the Abuja statistics. 91 of 92 arrests made were of KLM travelers. That, by my calculations, comes to 98.9% of all arrests made in Abuja in 2008. Are KLM flights somewhat more "white powder" friendly? Are they perhaps cheaper, therefore offering increased profit margins (Returns On Investment)?

2. Does BA's bottom-of-the-class position have anything to do with its well-known maltreatment of Nigerian passengers (recall the Ayodeji Omotade saga of 2008)? You are aware that the Omotade affair led to a vehement campaign by Nigerians to boycott BA for its relentless maltreatment of its Nigerian customers. Did Nigerian drug pushers also heed the boycott call? (To get the answer to this we will need to know what the arrest figures for 2007 were.)

3. Or should we be turning Question ‘1' upside down and arguing that instead of KLM being more "drug friendly" it is instead a confirmed "bad-luck" airline for drug pushers? Are we to imagine that it the scenario is a case of "a greater likelihood of being caught on KLM than on any other airline"?

4. If ‘3' above is true, are we going to witness mass decampment of drug pushers from KLM to, say, Lufthansa, which, from the table above (one arrest in ninety-two), will not readily yield you up to the NDLEA? (We will have to wait for the 2009 results to confirm this).

5. If KLM is the ‘preferred airline', should we someday expect a "Nigerian Association of White Powder Merchants and Agents" (NAWPOMA) to someday confer an award on KLM? For "selfless services rendered towards the development of a nascent industry?)

6. Or should the award in ‘5' be given to Lufthansa (last position in both airports) - or SAA - instead for offering "reduced chances of arrest whilst in possession of white powder"?

Answers welcome!