The cloudy world of football

I have been accused of having too vivid an imagination.

Consider my unaccepted view of what heaven could possibly be like.

Heaven must be a busy place. A realm in which so much occurs that it is sometimes easy to believe that the concept of eternity was created just so that time-thus redefined, could accommodate the expected workings of heaven. I have always theorized that heaven is divided into various departments with each of these various sections assigned to handle the various areas of human life. The cloudy floors of heaven will therefore be lined with angels teeming to maintain order on the world as we known it.

There will undoubtedly be a department in heaven where the working angels are completely in charge of running the weather as well as one in which three angels handle the charge of the flow of the oceans. About a million Angels will seat clustered over a really long desk managing human affairs in the department of marriages. And in the corner of heaven, right next to a flag, will rest the simple unassuming building known as the department of football.

The department of football in heaven was busy on the eve of the 14th of November, 2009. Even Angel Michael, normally the most stoic of angels, was stunned by the in pouring of prayers that were flooding into heaven. The department was so flooded that at some point it seemed almost possible that the prayers coming in were more than those offered by the families in Somalia. People on earth needed the help of God and they needed it in a situation that was of extreme importance. Nigerians it seemed were trying to qualify for the world cup.

"What exactly is the world cup?" Angel Luigi asked. Luigi was a new angel recently assigned to the department of football in heaven. It was understandable that the matters of football evaded him.

Angel Michael sighed out loud as he floated in the air, his wings softly beating up and down. "I've been managing the affairs of football for the last 300" he said "and yet even I am unsure as to exactly how the game is played. It starts with 22 men and a round ball. It gets messy after than."

"They want a win in their final football match against some country call Kenya." Angel Luigi observed reading a prayer that just came in. He squinted "I'm not sure where this letter came from".

Angel Michael took one look at it and nodded his head.

"It's from Nigeria." He caught Luigi's expression and explained the logic behind his deduction quickly "The letter says ‘Dear Baba God, Abeg make we kwalify'. Only Nigerians use the word Abeg or Baba God. Abeg means please."

Luigi nodded making a mental note to remember that point. Abeg means please. He stared at the long pile of letters that just seemed to be growing. "They seem pretty desperate. They've sent over 3 million prayers all asking for the same thing the last 5 hours. Qualifying for the world cup be pretty important."

Angel Michael shrugged. "When it comes to football and Nigeria they're usually like that. You should have seen them in 1996. Kept on begging to win some other football competition in Atlanta. We actually let them have that one but it appears that was hardly enough".

Angel Michael sighed and shook his head.

"Regardless of what happens, I think their prayers are most likely going to be answered."

"Why is that?" Luigi asked. "Are they loved that much?"

"Not really. Nigerians are hardly the best mannered people. Remember that annoying episode where a Nigerian came to heaven, asked for Nkwobi and then made a Tshew sound when we informed him that it was not on the heavenly menu?" Angel Michael replied. He pointed to a larger pile of letters in a corner. "All those letters came from England, France, Brazil, Portugal and 23 other countries. They all are asking for the same thing. They want God to allow Nigeria qualify because they're convinced that they'll be an easier team to win when the group stages come. It seems half the world wants Nigeria to qualify because it will improve their chances."

"I'm no expert," he mused out loud, "But I think they're completely right. The odds of Nigeria surviving the opening stages of the world cup currently look slim. They'll need a lot of work or one of our miracles."

Angel Luigi was no longer listening but staring at a slight stain on his wings.

"Abeg brother, pass me the wing duster." he said.