The word chairman is no longer an English one, it has become Nigerian. And I like it so. It is like love that covers a multitude of sins, this no nonsense noun has come to my rescue since I returned from America.
I bump into old friends and school mates whose faces I remember like the back of my hand but whose names have receded to the crevices of memory. What do I do whenever I am embarrassingly faced with such a situation? I scream, Chairman! It is a title or name many of us Nigerians love.
You have to remember that the chairman of an occasion is the temporary king of the occasion. Chairman, board of directors; Chairman of board of trustees; Chairman, Nigerian Union of Road Transport Workers; Chairman of EFCC; Chairman of this, chairman of that. We Nigerians relish it and sometimes when we don't get the position, we scrounge or kill for it.
My favourite ad in Lagos is a large vertical billboard with a green bottle of Heineken, with no clutter or verbose words that usually mar Lagos billboards. All that accompanies this bottle of beer is the word Chairman! The copywriter of that Heineken ad should (if he has not) win multiple awards. The chairman in that ad could mean many things, depending on what angle you look at it. Does the ad refer to the bottle as chairman, or is it the person that deserves to drink the interesting beer?
How about the numerous sycophants that have peopled our nation - is it their beer of choice when it comes to kissing backsides of contract awarders? You see, the word is so dynamic.
Upon my return to Nigeria to resume at NEXT, my chairman (you see what I mean) said no staff member should call him "sir". Hmmm, this was a huge dilemma for me. In America I had no problem calling Barrack Obama,
Barrack or Dick Cheney, Dick. But this is Nigeria we are talking about, where not greeting an elder or your senior could draw a long hiss and probably cost you a left ear. It was and is still tough for me to address my chairman by his first name. I agonise over emails to him- should I disobey him and say Dear Sir and disregard my strict village upbringing of not calling an elder by his first name. Deep blue sea and hard rock usually provide no option in these cases.
Many of my younger colleagues especially the American and UK thoroughbreds, not like some of us that just passed by these western countries, have no qualms calling our chairman by his name. I also have a woman I respect greatly in my office, but because I really don't have the option of calling her chairman or madam (madam in America means a whole lot of other things, other than the respectable position a chairman occupies), I end up calling her by her first name with so much anguish. I would have called her aunty, but that is another matter entirely because it tips her over to an old woman, which she is not really. I once affectionately called a co-worker aunty, and she almost skinned me alive with her tongue, "I am not your aunty, my name is Joy!" I was still new in my own country then, now I know better, aunty for young woman in Nigeria carries the same weight as madam in America.
The word chairman is also much used by area boys and other species of beggars in Lagos streets. Chairman, your boys dey o. Chairman, we re main loyal o. Chairman, anything for the boys? Chairman you look sharp!
And deep down you know you are not the chairman of anything; but you feel pumped and elevated and start digging for loose naira notes to bless the praise singer that have promoted you from an ordinary citizen to the rank of the almighty chairman.
This takes us to Abuja, our seat of power in Nigeria, and the way the word is used by our high and mighty beggars in the corridors of power. The word means a lot in such a place that thrives on sycophancy and personal aggrandizement. I have been frequenting that rocky city lately and have discovered that "chairman" is the password that unlocks the doors that leads to national looting. Hardly before the planes that leave from Lagos touch the tarmac of Nnamdi Azikiwe airport than you see men in suit or well starched agbada whip out cell phones and start their supplications. "Chairman, I just land o, I am on my way chairman". "Chairman, are you in the office?" "Chairman have the papers been signed yet?" And it is not also unusual to see a grown man genuflects and hail, "Chairman I remain loyal!" in hotel lobbies in Abuja.
So, I like the word chairman a lot for various reasons. We are Nigerians, we love titles. And the most honest yet dishonest and cheapest one is - you guessed right - Chairman!
Reader Comments (31)
post a comment
* = Required information